paranoia..
im getting so paranoid now a days. i do trust him but there’s a little space of fright inside me.. there were times that i really wanna cry hard but i just control these tears to fall. i do love him and its deeply and true, but i why am i feeling this thing? he said that he loved me too but he spent more of his free time in playing computer games. that made me think that he’s not that into me. that he’s not that interested. that he might not care if i will be out of his life.
there were time that when i assesst my past i just conclude one thing, that im bound to exert efforts for them but their efforts were quite few. waahh im just wondering if im fated to have this situation? im not begging for anything in return but isn’t it too unfair for my side? well on the lather part i still ignore those stuff cause i dont want to have another failure. i dont deserve it.
as i assesst my self regarding this matter, i knew that im doing my part and im welling to risk things for just this thing to last. hope i’l be treated with full caress and understanding these day with my love one. i really need affection as of the moment. im so down and i dont want to think so much about problems. but i dont think that i could have it now, cause he’s a bit busy… miracle .. miracle where are you??
haiiztt though things were like that i still love him no matter what.
and i want our relationship to last forever. i might not the one he loved first but hopefully i’m goin to be the last person that he will share vows and forever.. im might be saying words for future matters but that what i wanted us to be.. ilove him truly and deeply and hope he’l feel the same way as i do. and hope he will never hurt me, cause i’ve experience being hurt once and twice is a big NO NO.
Tags: paranoia
